Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Remembrances - finding solid ground

O! Regret, O! Fantasy - I remember reading ghost stories with a loved one lying close to me. Its all in the past, will I ever escape such echoes at long last? The nearest memories are all about me. I try to be colder I try to impose less of myself here -- to mediate the emotion with some other form of expression, to keep it from decaying into pointless shouts and screaming. Its the holidays: I journey for marzipan-laden treats on warmer days, when I have time for a walk-- time to assess where I've been and where I'm going. I don't think I will ever entirely escape the past -- it will change, that is certain. My love is still there, suppressed, being pushed towards a different form, It won't die out. I spend my time reading most days, that or enjoying cinema or television programs on DVD from the UK or Canada. Anything that makes me smile is good at this point. My concerns, my ideas, my outlook will not go away. I felt such a strong bond with another in this past year, its hard for me to think about it all and what its become. Am I being intentionally obtuse, here? Perhaps. I'm not one to divulge everything, I've become trite enough already descussing my concerns. Still, it is good to write freely here in this arena. I doubt it is of much interest anyway. The other items that are posted here are the real attraction, the transmission of information about other cultural products. My own commentary and aggregation of thought is of little concern.

One last thing, my journeys home in the evening these past few weeks have been marked by the presence of various furry creatures. I saw an unusual animal as I departed Harvard Square once. At first I thought it was a cat coming out from under a parked car but it seemed considerably larger-- so I decided to follow it at that point to learn more. The animal, when it finally appeared in the evening light by the side of a building looked somewhat like a giant white rat with a similar tail and snout but was larger and furrier. I stood there and stared at it for a few minutes. I wanted to tell someone about it on my way home but didn't have anyone to phone. My guess is the unusually warm weather is responible for these occurences, either that or my imagination is really getting the best of me.

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